Love's Providence: A Contemporary Christian Romance Read online

  When she returned, the couch was empty, so she wandered into the kitchen. Jackson straightened after retrieving a pan from under the cabinet, his hair shooting out in all directions. He still wore his t-shirt and gym shorts from the night before, but she noticed for the first time how his shoulders filled out the sleeves. He’d been working out again. If not for the dark circles under his eyes, he might have looked like the boy she’d always known.

  “You hungry?” he asked.

  “Sure. But you don’t have to make anything. I can go to my mom’s.”

  “Nah, you might as well stay now. Bacon and toast okay?”

  “Sure.”

  He set the pan on the burner then dug through the refrigerator until he found the bacon. Watching him peel apart the slices and place them onto the pan, she marveled at how simple routines from their past had become so complicated with emotions. How many mornings had she come over for bacon and toast? It had to have been thousands. Part of her ached for the security of their history. It still felt like home. Only now, it was mixed with so much heartache.

  “You must have been pretty uncomfortable on the couch last night.” He turned and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sorry about that.”

  “No problem. I’m just glad you got some rest.”

  “You didn’t have to stay all night.”

  He had been groggy when she’d helped him onto the couch. He’d obviously forgotten asking her to stay, and she was content to leave it that way.

  “I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

  He started to speak, but gritted his teeth and turned away. He stood in silence, turning the bacon over and placing some bread in the toaster. When he placed his hand back on the stove, he jumped back and swore under his breath.

  “Are you okay?” She stood and walked over to him.

  “Just a little burn. No big deal.” She reached for his hand, but he pulled it away as soon as she touched him. ”I’m fine. Really.”

  She reached for the faucet. “Well, put it under some cold water for a few minutes. That should help.”

  As he soaked his fingers, he leaned his head against the cabinet and slumped his shoulders.

  “I’m such an idiot.”

  “You’re not an idiot,” she said, rubbing his back. “You’re just a little distracted.”

  She stepped over to the stove and removed the bacon from the pan. Then she placed a couple of pieces on the toast and brought the plate over to him.

  “Thanks,” he said. “But I’m not hungry. You go ahead.”

  “You’re not going to eat?”

  “I can’t.” He leaned back and reached for a napkin, wiping his hand dry. “Thanks. It actually does feel better now.”

  “You need to eat.”

  He met her gaze, and his eyes blazed with a sudden intensity.

  “Lily, I don’t need you to mother me. It’s the absolute last thing on Earth I need right now.”

  Surprised by his sudden anger, she started to bolt. But before she could move, he reached out and gripped her elbow, pulling her closer instead.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m just scared.”

  Scared. She couldn’t remember him ever admitting to fear. Not once. It made her pause, and her heart softened.

  “I know this is hard for you. But God’s taking care of your mom. She’s going to be okay.”

  He leaned his head down until his forehead rested on hers, so close she could sense the tremble in his chest.

  “Lil,” he whispered. “I miss you.”

  Her chest tightened, and it felt like her throat might close up.

  “I miss you too.”

  She wanted to step back—she needed space to breathe—but her legs wouldn’t move. As his hands held her cheeks, she felt the memory of his lips brushing hers as if it were real. Maybe it was. Maybe she wanted it to be real. If she just concentrated on his hand caressing her hair, her cheek, her neck, maybe she could go home again.

  The sudden ring of the phone jolted them apart, and he stared at her as if waking from a dream. The second ring seemed to register, and he walked over to the doorway and took the receiver off the hook.

  “Hello?”

  He glanced at her, his eyes still glazed as though he didn’t remember where he was. She felt like her own head needed a good shake. Had he just kissed her, or had she imagined it? Either way, she needed to get out of there. Her heart thudded so loud in her ears, she could barely think straight.

  “Thanks, Matt.” He hung up the phone and turned around with a huge smile. “She’s awake.”

  The ride back to the hospital had been tense. They’d ridden in silence—Jackson staring out the passenger window, Lily staring at the road ahead. Now, as they approached Mary’s room, Lily reached out and touched his arm, jerking it back as soon as he turned to her.

  “I think I should head home now.” She clasped her hands and began massaging her palms.

  “Why? She’d want to see you.”

  The hope in his eyes only confirmed that she needed to get out of there.

  “You should spend some time with her. I’ll just be in the way.”

  He reached for the door handle. “Come on. Don’t be ridiculous. She’ll be hurt if she knows you were here and didn’t come in.”

  She hated to disappoint Mary, and she especially hated thinking that her feelings would be hurt. Still, she couldn’t get rid of the overwhelming desire to flee.

  Jackson pushed the door open and beckoned her in, and her feet stumbled forward. Mary’s face, still badly bruised, lit up with a pained smile. She reached her arms out as Jackson leaned down and embraced her.

  Lily hung back, still tempted to slip out the door unnoticed. But Mary’s gaze found hers, and she waved Lily closer.

  “Come in, come in.”

  Lily leaned down and gave her a light hug, afraid of hurting her. She felt Mary’s ribs, and her throat tightened.

  “How are you feeling?”

  Mary held onto Jackson with one hand, and she grasped Lily’s with the other.

  “I’m okay. Tired. Hungry. But I’m okay.”

  Lily glanced up at Jackson. His face was strained, but he smiled down at his mom.

  “Is there anything I can get you?”

  “Maybe some water.”

  He dropped her hand and turned to the tray beside her bed, pouring a glass of water. He handed it to her, and she took a small sip. Her hands seemed frail and wrinkled, like Lily’s grandmother’s. Around the IV, blood pooled beneath the surface, making a quarter-sized bruise. Lily gently squeezed the hand that still grasped hers.

  “I really should get going. I’m glad you’re okay.”

  Mary’s blue eyes widened as she looked up. “Don’t rush off. It’s so good to see you again. Stay and visit.”

  Lily looked from Mary’s pleading eyes to Jackson’s and felt like the most horrible person in the world. Staying would be the right thing to do. But everything had changed. Everything.

  She let go of Mary’s hand and stepped toward the door, guilt and shame rushing through her.

  “I’m sorry. I just…I need to get going. I still have so much to do before school starts.”

  Mary’s expression fell, but she smiled again. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

  “Okay.” She slipped over to the door and pulled it open. “I hope you feel better soon.”

  Lily slipped through the door and tried not to race for the elevator. She punched the down arrow and paced in front of the doors, chewing her thumbnail. The bell dinged, and when the doors opened she jumped inside. She pushed the button for the parking garage, and then jammed her thumb into the button to close the doors.

  When the doors opened to the garage, she took a deep breath and felt some of the tension leave her. But as she crossed the parking lot, she heard her name from somewhere behind her. She turned as Jackson jogged out of the stairwell beside the elevators, and the
tension returned.

  “Hey, wait up,” he called.

  She took the last few yards to her car as quickly as she could, but he had reached her by the time she opened her door. He put his hand on it, and she finally stopped and looked at him.

  “Wait, can we talk a minute?” he asked.

  She closed her eyes and hoped for strength. “About what?”

  “Us. This morning. We almost-“

  “Nothing happened.” She forced herself to look at him, to make sure he got the message.

  He wrinkled his brow, a crooked grin playing on his mouth. Not the mouth. She looked at his eyes instead, but the way he looked at her—as if he knew something she didn’t—unnerved her for reasons that made no sense.

  “Something definitely happened,” he said. “You said you miss me.”

  “So?”

  “Come on, Lil. If I’ve learned anything in recent history it’s that I have to seize moments when they come around, and I’m trying to seize here. Give me a break.”

  “I think you got the wrong idea.”

  “No, I got the right idea. You’re just trying to pretend it didn’t happen. Why?”

  “Nothing happened,” she repeated. She tried to keep her composure, but he stepped a little closer, speeding her pulse. “Jackson, don’t.”

  “You miss me.”

  “I miss our friendship. That’s all. And whatever you think happened was all in your head. I was just trying to be a good friend. Please don’t make me regret it.”

  He paused and looked down at her. She could practically see the questions flying through his head as he weighed her words against his hope. He leaned back against her car and crossed his arms, studying her. She felt like the frog she had once pinned down and dissected in high school Biology—utterly exposed.

  “You’re lying,” he said.

  “No I’m not.”

  “Yes you are. Your eyes. They do this fluttering thing when you lie.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” She’d never been more aware of trying not to flutter her eyes.

  He smiled as though he had just solved one of the world’s great mysteries.

  “You still love me.”

  She couldn’t believe his arrogance. She had wanted to avoid hurting him, but obviously he needed a stronger dose of rejection.

  “My love for you was never in question, and as I recall, it wasn’t good enough. You tossed it aside like it was a burden. So it isn’t yours anymore.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “I’m moving on with my life. You should too.”

  He nodded his head and looked away, but not before she saw the flicker of anger in his eyes.

  “Is this the part where you tell me you’re moving on with Alex?”

  “We’re done talking.”

  She reached for her door, but he slid in front of her and blocked her from reaching it. She stepped back and tried not to think about punching him in the mouth.

  “I guess you had a nice little trip down there. Is he your boyfriend now?”

  She steeled herself and forced her eyes to meet his.

  “Yes.”

  He tried to hide it, but she saw the word slap him in the face.

  “So how long did you wait before you let him grope all over you? You know he just wants to get-“

  “Shut up!” She shoved him away from her door and pulled it open.

  “I’m sorry-“ He reached for her, but she pulled away and slid behind the wheel of her car.

  “I came here to try to be your friend,” she said as she shoved the key into the ignition. “Your gratitude overwhelms me.”

  She slammed the door before he could say anything else. Then she backed out of the parking space, almost hoping she’d run him over. As she slammed her foot into the gas pedal, she glanced into her rearview mirror and saw him standing right where she had left him.

  Well, good riddance. He could miss her for eternity for all she cared. She had Alex. Finally she had found someone she could trust.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Brunswick, Georgia

  “Where are you? You were supposed to meet me at the lawyer’s office two hours ago. This is getting ridiculous! Call me.”

  Alex jammed his phone back onto his belt and pounded his fist into the kitchen counter. He should have known she’d do this. It had to be the fifth time in the past ten months she had ducked out on him. He racked his brain for the number at the newspaper office, but he couldn’t remember the last four digits, and the harder he tried, the angrier he got.

  He paced his kitchen in a frenzy, reciting numbers out loud hoping some combination would be familiar.

  “Seven, eight, three, four. Seven, eight, four, three.”

  He stopped and took a deep breath.

  “Eight, seven, four, three.”

  That was it.

  He grabbed his phone again and dialed the number. After several rings, voicemail again. He swore under his breath. Then he repeated his message for the third time, though by now he began to realize the futility in leaving them. He hung up and immediately dialed Chloe’s number. Maybe she would at least have some answers.

  “Where is she?” he demanded as soon as she picked up.

  “Excuse me? Don’t you even bother with hello anymore?”

  The coolness in her voice only infuriated him further.

  “Hello. Have you heard from Adrian?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes you do,” he spat through clenched teeth. “I’m sick of the games. If you know where she is, just tell me. I know you two talk all the time.”

  She sighed, and immediately he knew what was coming.

  “You’re handling this all wrong.”

  “Chloe, I swear to God, I don’t need a lecture from you right now. Just tell me where she is.”

  “I think she said something about an assignment overseas or something. Let me guess. She didn’t bother to tell you? I told you this was not-“

  He hung up and slammed the phone onto the counter. He’d heard enough. And he had waited for her to come to him too many times. It was time to take action himself. He hated being manipulated, but there was obviously no other way to resolve the matter. And as soon as he got to a computer at the station today, he would book a flight to New York, and give her exactly what she had wanted all along.

  August 11

  Samford University

  Birmingham, Alabama

  Jackson looked down at his watch for what had to be the hundredth time since he’d climbed out of his car and leaned against the hood of Lily’s. He only had another twenty minutes before he had to be at work. If she didn’t come out of her dorm soon, he’d have to come up with another plan.

  The parking lot was basically empty, except for a few cars outside a couple of the dorms where the athletes lived. This section of campus was tucked away in a wooded area, and the dorms formed a quaint red-bricked neighborhood. Jackson remembered how excited Lily had been to get into these dorms as a sophomore, how they’d played like little kids two winters ago when a freak storm had frozen the roads and dumped a foot of snow across the South. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

  A door slammed shut a few feet away, and Lily walked down the front steps of her dorm. He pushed away from her car and took a deep breath to settle the adrenaline racing through him. This couldn’t be any harder than preparing for a basketball game. He just needed to focus on the game plan. But when their eyes met, she visibly stiffened. Not a good sign. She adjusted her backpack and shook her head as she walked toward him.

  “I don’t have time for this right now, Jackson. Go home.”

  He’d expected resistance, and finally hearing it actually solidified his resolve.

  “I just need a minute.”

  She stopped in front of him and shifted her weight to one hip. Her eyes still blazed with the same anger he’d seen just before she’d driven away from the hospital.

  “I onl
y have thirty minutes to get to the training room and get treatment before practice. This is going to have to wait. Or better yet, let’s just postpone it indefinitely.”

  “I know you’re upset-“

  “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”

  She started for her car, but he stepped in front of her and blocked her path.

  “Please, just listen for a minute.”

  “Now I am going to be late since I have to walk there.”

  She turned and stomped away from him toward the bridge that led to the main campus.

  “Come on Lil. Quit being so stubborn and let me drive you to the gym. You can’t tell me extra sprints are worth avoiding me.”

  She stopped and turned around, obviously weighing her options. When she finally walked toward his car, he breathed a sigh of relief. That was half the battle right there. Now the real fight was on.

  “Fine.” She reached his car and swung the door open. “Just make it quick.”

  As he climbed in beside her, she slammed the door closed.

  “Hey,” he said. “Take it easy. She’s about to fall apart as it is.”

  “Everything eventually falls apart.”

  She crossed her arms and stared out of the window while he tried to figure out what to make of her attitude. He hated it when she was like this—completely fenced off and impenetrable. But then again, he’d been the same way not so long ago. She was only acting this way because he’d hurt her. She looked at him and frowned.

  “Well, are you driving me or not?”

  He cranked the car and headed out of the parking lot, turning onto the road that circled the main campus. It was a fairly short drive over to the gym, but it might be enough time to at least get her attention and turn things around.

  “I want to apologize,” he said.

  “Done. Apology accepted. Now you can leave me alone.”

  He sucked in a breath and said a quick prayer. Lord, give me patience.

  “Why are you so angry with me?” he asked. “It can’t be because of one stupid remark I let slip.”