Love's Providence: A Contemporary Christian Romance Page 16
She took his hand and let him pull her back down beside him, and he wondered what he should say next. He shouldn’t have even brought it up. It was all he could do to keep from grabbing the stupid thing and throwing it into the water. If she clung to a necklace so fiercely, maybe she was still clinging to Jackson as well.
“I know you’ve had it for a long time, but you’re not a scared little nine-year-old without a Christmas gift anymore. And you’re certainly not his girlfriend. You don’t need a necklace to remind you to pray for someone. It seems like there’s more to it than you want to admit.”
She dropped her head, but then she reached behind her neck and unfastened the chain.
“You’re right. It’s time to let go and grow up.”
He watched her fold the necklace and slide it into her pocket, relieved that it was gone. A small doubt still lingered and rattled around in his brain, but he refused to give it a foothold.
“So can I take that as a yes? You want to give this thing a try?”
“Thing?” Her lips spread into a smile. “Yeah, we can give this thing a try.”
He grabbed her knee and gave it a squeeze, loving the squeal that escaped her. She tried to slip away, but he pushed her further into the back of the car, tickling her unmercifully. As she squirmed and laughed, he felt a rush of adrenaline pumping through him, and he finally pinned her arms above her head.
Her body fit perfectly beneath his, and it was all he could do to control himself, especially when he knew she wanted him. He could feel it. He had no idea why she fought it, but he was certain of the battle within her.
He slipped his hand under her shirt, sliding it up while he kissed the skin peeking out at him. Her breathing deepened, and he pushed the limit just a little more, relishing her gasp.
“Alex…”
He brought his face up to hers and pressed their mouths together, quieting any protest.
“Trust me,” he said between kisses.
Then he returned his attention to her stomach, and gradually, he worked his way past the latest boundary.
Chloe knew a love-sick puppy when she saw one. That pitiful little college girl had been practically drooling on the table earlier. Though she could hardly blame her. No doubt Alex hadn’t told her anything.
She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and began scrubbing the makeup off her face. Too bad she couldn’t just scrub the stupidity off of Alex. She hated fighting with him, but he insisted on making one wrong choice after another lately.
She rinsed her face and dried it in a towel. Then she walked into her kitchen and grabbed the phone. She’d tried as hard as she could to back off, but the thought of him making such a huge mistake would keep her up all night unless she did something about it. There had to be a way to make him listen to reason.
She checked her watch and dialed the number. Of course, it went straight to voicemail.
“Hey, Adrian. It’s Chloe. Listen, I know you want to do things your own way, but I just thought I’d let you know that you’re about to screw up everything. Call me when you get this.”
Chapter Twelve
August 8
Cedar Creek, Alabama
“You need any help in here?”
Lily looked up as Kara popped her head into the open bedroom door at her dad’s.
“Yeah, that would be great,” she answered. “I left everything to the last minute, as usual.”
Kara grinned and stepped over a laundry basket full of clothes and sat Indian style in the center of the room, the eye of the hurricane.
“What do you want me to do?”
Lily glanced around, not sure where to start. Clothes, books, CD’s and shoes had overrun her room, and she felt ready to surrender. She hated this part of going back to school. The fact that she hadn’t been able to concentrate on much of anything since returning from Saint Simons didn’t help much either. Her emotions moved like liquid inside of her, flowing from depression to elation with the smallest tilt. She wanted desperately to think of anything but how much she missed Alex.
“You could start packing up my clothes over there.” Lily pointed toward the overflowing laundry basket. “I have some dresses hanging in the closet that I need too.”
“Don’t you keep anything at your mom’s anymore?” Kara asked.
“She was going to be in Nashville most of the summer for work, and I didn’t want to have to go there for anything. Didn’t really want to run into Jackson.”
“I can understand that.”
Kara pulled the basket toward her and began pulling items out one at a time, folding and separating them. She worked quickly and methodically while Lily focused on organizing her notebooks and school supplies. It was nice to have some help. Maybe she would actually be able to finish it all tonight.
“Lily, what is this?” Kara asked. She had moved into the closet, and Lily could hear the shuffling of papers.
Kara crawled out of the closet carrying a shoebox in her hand. She placed it on the floor as she sat back on her heels. Then she pulled out a stack of notes Lily practically knew by heart.
“Nothing.” She reached for the box and slid it in front of her.
“These are all from Jackson.”
“So?”
“So why are you keeping them?” Kara narrowed her eyes and looked at Lily like she’d been hiding a bomb in her closet.
“I don’t know exactly. I’m just not ready to throw it away.”
Kara rolled her eyes. “You’re finally moving on with your life. Alex is great, and you guys are really happy. Now is the perfect time to get rid of all this.”
Lily looked down at the collection of notes, cards, movie stubs, and trinkets she had been holding onto for more years than she knew. Every bit of paper held some piece of her past that fit together like the patches of a quilt. How could she just discard them? She pushed the papers around and found the necklace she had placed in there last night, rubbing her fingers over the inscription. She had taken it off. That would have to be enough for now.
“I’m just not ready yet.”
She put the letters back that Kara had removed and replaced the top. Then she slid the box under her bed and all the way to the wall. Maybe one day she’d be able to enjoy those memories without the pain that still sliced through them.
“Whatever.” Kara dismissed the notion with the wave of her hand and went back to packing.
On the television stand beside her, Lily’s cell phone lit up and vibrated. She hoped it was Alex calling for one last goodnight, but it was Matthew’s name on the screen instead.
“Lily? Hey. It’s Matt. You got a minute?”
“That depends,” she said. “Is this about Jackson?”
“Uh, well-“
“I knew it. Matt, please. Stay out of it.”
“No, you don’t understand.” The uneven crack in his voice made her pause.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“It’s Aunt Mary. She was in an accident a couple of days ago.”
Lily gasped. “Oh no. Is she okay?”
“She has a broken leg, some cuts and bruises. The worst is the head injury, but they don’t know how bad it is because she hasn’t woken up.”
Lily imagined Jackson sitting by his mother’s hospital bed, terrified of losing another parent, and her heart ached for him.
“How’s Jackson?”
“I don’t know. He hasn’t said much. I’m worried about him. He won’t leave her side.” Matt paused, and she knew what he was about to ask. “Could you come down here? Maybe talk to him a little.”
“Not a good idea-“
“Come on, Lily. He needs you. We’re all he has right now. Just me, and you.”
She took a deep breath and tried to set aside the panic rising inside of her. How could she even consider saying no? She loved Mary as much as her own parents, and no matter what she had been through with Jackson, he was still her friend.
“I’ll be there in an hour.”
In the rush to grab a few things and get out the door, Lily had forgotten she needed a shower. As she stood outside the hospital room arguing with her resolve to go in, she came up with one excuse after another to leave, and smelling bad seemed like the best one so far.
Come on, she scolded herself. It’s just Jackson. Just. Jackson.
She turned the knob and slowly pushed the heavy door open. He sat on a stool next to Mary, his long form folded over the side of her bed as he held her hand. In the instant she saw him, she recognized the tired slump in his shoulders, the same defeated posture she’d faced for months after his dad had died.
Not again, Lord.
The door squeaked as she pushed it open, and he raised his head. He met her gaze with confusion, and then understanding dawned. He turned toward the corner behind him where Matt sat leaning forward, his hands folded together. A look passed between the cousins that Lily couldn’t quite read, but she didn’t need any further clues to know that he wasn’t happy to see her.
“I’m going to get some coffee.” Jackson stood and pushed his hair away from his eyes, then walked by without even looking at her, allowing the door to slam behind him.
She turned to Matthew, ready to lay into him.
“He didn’t know I was coming, did he?”
He shook his head, but showed no signs of remorse.
“Jeez, Matt. How could you do that to me? To him? He’s dealing with enough right now.”
“I did what I had to. He needs you, whether he realizes it or not.”
She let out a slow breath, pushing down her building anger. She had to focus on dealing with the situation rather than her irritation. She walked over and touched Mary’s hand, careful to avoid the IV needle. Her face was badly bruised, and her head was wrapped in bandages. As much as it terrified her to see Mary so banged up, it must have ripped a hole right through Jackson.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Not sure exactly.” Matthew frowned. “A truck ran a red light. Caught her on the driver’s side.”
“What can I do?”
He pushed himself up from the chair and rubbed the back of his neck. His face was tired and seemed to sag despite his effort at a smile.
“Just talk to her. I’ll go talk to Jackson.”
“What do I say?”
“Doesn’t matter. Just talk. The doctor said it was good for her.”
Matthew crossed the room and left Lily alone with her fear and doubt. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her racing thoughts. What could she say? Would Mary hear? Maybe she wouldn’t even want Lily there. She opened her eyes and rubbed her thumb back and forth across the top of Mary’s hand.
“Hey…Mary. It’s me…Lily. I’m not sure what I should say, but I want you know how much I love you.”
She paused and looked out the window at the blackness beyond. Her eyes ached and burned.
“God, sometimes you really don’t make much sense.”
Just down the hall, Jackson kicked the coffee machine for refusing to cooperate. Was it too much to ask for a simple cup of coffee? Hadn’t he been through enough? He leaned his head against the colorful plastic machine and wished for once something in his life worked out the way it was supposed to—even if it was just a machine pouring bitterness into a cup. He muttered a curse and shook it one last time.
“There ya go. Take it out on a helpless vending machine.”
Jackson turned to the voice behind him and found Matthew leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He almost looked amused. He needed a good body slam right here in the middle of the hall. But that would have to wait. Instead he walked into the small waiting room across the hall and dropped into a chair. Matthew followed him and took the seat beside his.
“I told you not to call her,” Jackson said.
“Well, following directions has never been my strong suit.”
He met Matt’s gaze with disdain. “This isn’t funny. I don’t want her here.”
“She loves Aunt Mary too. She’s practically been family since we were all kids. She deserves to know.”
If he had to hear about Lily being practically family one more time, he was sure he’d lose it. She’d made it perfectly clear that those days were over. Just seeing her walk through the door had felt like a sucker punch.
“Look,” Jackson said. “I know your heart’s in the right place, but I can’t deal with Lily and Mom at the same time.”
“Well as I remember it, that was your problem last spring with Lily, and look how well that turned out for you. Don’t blow it again. She just wants to help.”
“There’s nothing she can do.” Jackson sat back and leaned his head against the wall. His eyelids felt like lead, and he let them close for a moment. “There’s nothing any of us can do but wait.”
“She can be here for you. You two need each other, whether you know it or not.”
That was almost humorous. Matt had obviously forgotten where she’d just spent the past week. He opened his eyes and lifted his head.
“It’s pretty clear she’s doing just fine without me.”
“You don’t know that. Just talk to her, okay?” Matt gave him a pat on the back. “Just talk to her, man.”
Jackson stared at their reflection in the window across the room. This from a guy who couldn’t manage to have a relationship that lasted more than a couple of months, let alone a love that lasted for the better part of his life. Matt had no idea what he was asking. How could he possibly understand the price he’d have to pay to reach out to Lily?
Jackson shifted forward and rested his elbows on his knees, dropping his head into his hands.
“She’s made it clear that she wants nothing more to do with me.”
“Then why is she here?”
The question sank into his heart, resurrecting hope he had been trying to bury—hope he wasn’t sure he could bear.
Jackson pushed open the door to his mom’s room and found Lily bent over her, quietly praying. It was a sight that was both reassuring and painful, a reminder of what he had already lost, and what he still stood to lose. She looked up as the door closed, and he forced himself to speak before he lost his nerve.
“Thank you for coming down here.”
She fumbled with her hands and looked back at his mom. “It was no problem. I wanted to come. She means the world to me.”
He turned his gaze out the window beside him. Only a few cars remained in the parking lot below, and it looked as empty as he felt inside.
“She loves you too. It would mean a lot to her knowing you’re here.”
He heard her move out of her chair, felt her come up beside him as if there were a tension-filled rope connecting them. His hand tingled with expectation, hoping she would take it. But she folded her arms over her chest.
“What about you?” she asked. “You didn’t exactly look happy to see me when I came in.”
“Sorry about that. I just wasn’t expecting you. That’s all.” He glanced over at her, hoping he sounded convincing.
“You sure? If you want me to go-“
“No,” he said quickly. “You just got here. Stay. Visit for a little while. The doctors said that talking to her might help.”
“Matt mentioned that, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.”
Despite his swirling emotions, the humor of her statement didn’t escape him.
“Come on. You? With nothing to say? That had to be a first.”
She let out a laugh that was more of a sob, and it seemed to release some of the tension. She rubbed her eyes with her palms.
“So how are you holding up?” she asked.
He hated that question. It seemed like the only thing people had been able to ask him for almost a year. Oh sure, everyone meant well, but what was he supposed to say? Should he open up the dam of fear and anger? He’d figured out quickly that most people just wanted to hear that he was okay—just an optimistic answer that
let them off the hook as soon as possible. But not Lily. She’d been ready and willing to take on the brunt of his emotions, if only he’d been able to share them with her.
“I’m okay.” He looked over at his mom and tried to push down the guilt and fear rising again. “I’m not the one lying in a coma.”
“No, you’re not. And you can’t beat yourself up thinking it should be you-“
“But it should. She’s absolutely the last person who should be suffering. Why does God keep doing this to my family?”
She reached for him, and her hand on his arm was like a soft blanket, soothing and warm. But it was gone too soon. She hugged her chest and rubbed her arms.
“I wish I had answers. I know this is hard.”
She looked at him for a moment, her eyes assessing him with an intimacy he had never shared with anyone else. How could he have wasted so much of the past year pushing away the very person he’d needed the most? Now, she was right in front of him, dangling what he’d lost like a mirage in a desert. It was pointless to even try to reach out for the illusion.
“You need to get some rest,” she said. “You want me to drive you home?”
“I’m not leaving her. What if she wakes up?”
“Matt will call you.”
“I shouldn’t.” Just the thought of his mom lying there alone made his throat tighten.
“Come on. Mary would freak out if she woke up and saw you looking so pathetic. I’ll drive you to your mom’s and you can sleep for a few hours. Then I’ll bring you right back.”
“All right,” he said, still unsure. “But I can drive myself.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re exhausted. Just let me help.”
“Fine. I don’t have the strength to argue with you. But it’s pointless. I won’t be able to sleep anyway.”
August 9
Birmingham, Alabama
Lily awoke on Mary’s sofa with Jackson’s head cutting off circulation to her lower extremities and her bladder about to explode. So much for his not being able to sleep. She gently slid out from under him and shook her legs to wake them up. Then she stretched out the ache in her back as she headed for the bathroom down the hall.